The other day, one of my college housemates was reminiscing about a photo he has of me from our university days. It shows me emerging from my basement bedroom on a Friday afternoon, looking particularly horrible - as if I was emerging from a cave after about 100 years.
The cave emergence…
Everyone else in the house was already taking advantage of the gorgeous weekend, tossing a football around in the front yard and cracking open a few beers. Meanwhile, I had just dragged myself home from my Interior Studio after pulling an all-nighter the night before.
Typical Friday afternoons at our college house on Spring Street
He told me it was one of his favorite photos of me because it perfectly captured my grit - I was always giving it ALL to my projects. (If you were an architecture or interior design student from that era, you'll relate. Everything was analog, drawings were all by hand, scale models were built from cardboard, AutoCAD was an elective. Think that dates me??)
Then my friend asked the question that hit me like a brick: Why do I keep taking things on - both personally and professionally?
I think my response was a nervous laugh. My friend wasn’t wrong asking. I take on a lot.
Let me paint you a picture: I'm on several charity boards and committees at my boys' school. I've chaired auctions and fundraisers. I'm running Retta Jane childrenswear and now taking on womenswear. I'm scaling Retta Jane Interiors. I threw speaking professionally out there on a whim, and it clicked - over the next quarter alone, I'm scheduled to speak at five different events, two of which are keynotes. Have I mentioned the needlepoint side-hustle?
St. Louis Children’s Hospital - Play Date
Our Retta Jane office lease is up next spring, so we're eyeing a retail/office space for which I hope to get a liquor license so we can open a "third space" that drives our community.
It's a lot. I'm not naive to the fact that seeing this on paper makes my own stomach drop. My best girlfriend candidly shared that she cannot fathom spending a week in my shoes.
The Reality Check
It's exhausting. It's stressful. It's a constant juggle - family, cash flow, clients, products, speaking engagements, board meetings, school committees. There are days when everything feels like it's spinning just slightly out of control.
But here's the thing: I wouldn't change it.
I do NOT know how to live any other way. There are days when I wish I could maybe hang it up for a few hours, and I do try, but inevitably, I'll pick up some other project that keeps me moving.
What Everyone Keeps Telling Me
People keep suggesting I need to prioritize some "me" time. You know, like reading a book on a Saturday afternoon or getting that massage. I do try, but here's what I've realized: all of this activity isn't stealing from my "me" time.
This IS my "me" time.
How I'm Actually Wired
I'm passionate about building things, seeing things differently, creating community. The rush of turning an idea into reality, the satisfaction of solving problems, the energy that comes from connecting people and possibilities - that's not work for me. That's what makes me feel most like myself.
Some people recharge by being still. I recharge by creating.
Some people find peace in simplicity. I find energy in complexity.
Some people need quiet to think clearly. I think most clearly when there are multiple projects competing for my attention.
The Question Behind the Question
When my friend asked why I keep taking things on, I think what he was really asking was: "Aren't you tired? Don't you want to slow down? Isn't this too much?"
The honest answer is yes, sometimes I am tired. Yes, sometimes it feels like too much. But slowing down doesn't feel like rest to me - it feels like suffocation.
I've tried the "balanced" approach. I've attempted to focus on just one thing. I've made lists about priorities and boundaries. But within weeks, I'm back to saying yes to the interesting opportunity, the challenging project, the chance to build something new.
What I'm Learning
I'm learning that there's a difference between being overwhelmed by chaos and being energized by complexity. I thrive in the latter, even when it looks like the former to everyone else.
I'm learning that my capacity isn't fixed - it expands when I'm working on things I care about.
I'm also learning that unless something is on my calendar, it will NOT happen. Self-care? Scheduled for Tuesday at 2 PM. Reading a book? Sunday at 4:30. New interior design clients for fall and winter? Well, those actually DO need to get on the calendar. We still have a few openings - reach out to us!
Coffee also helps.
Morning Latte number 1 of 2
To Anyone Who Recognizes Themselves Here
If you're someone who gets energized by having multiple projects, who sees connections where others see complications, who can't help but say yes to interesting opportunities - maybe you don't need to slow down.
What if we just need to get better at explaining to people (including ourselves) that this is how we are built to operate?
What if we need to stop apologizing for our capacity and start optimizing for it instead?
Because the world needs people who see possibilities everywhere, who can juggle complexity, who get excited about building multiple things at once.
Please tell me that I am not alone in this… Do you thrive on having a lot going on, or does my schedule make you want to take a nap just reading about it?
This is so well said. Thank YOU! Would love to see you soon when we can put it on the calendar! XO! 💕